Home

Section

Career Counseling

3 articles

The Bureau of Labor Statistics Has No Category for 'Abundance Coach': A Professional Reckoning

After extensive review of your manifestation-based career, the state has determined your highest and best use involves operating heavy machinery in grain processing facilities. Your vision board did not predict this outcome.

Congratulations on Your Revolutionary Career Assessment Results, Comrade: You've Been Assigned to Beet Processing, Not Branding

You spent three years building a personal brand around 'intentional living' and now you're wondering where your role as the Revolution's Chief Vibe Curator is posted. We've run your numbers through the Collective Career Assessment, comrade, and the results are illuminating — just not in the way your salt lamp usually is.

The People's Career Guidance Office Is Now Open: Please Stop Crying, Comrade

The Revolution has arrived, and with it, the State-Appointed Bureau of Labour Allocation. Natasha Brennan presents this month's letters to Senior Career Counselor Dmitri Volkov, who has been reassigned from his previous role as a gulag administrator and finds this job considerably more exhausting.